this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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