I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
