I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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