38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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