Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
