i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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