Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
