I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
