Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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