You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize