$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
