i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
