Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
