Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
