Did I show you my penis last night?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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