I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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