Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
