I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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