we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
