You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize