ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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