Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the raccoons are back...
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