What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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