I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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