I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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