My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
