All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
