just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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