We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
