don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
