Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
