jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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