I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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