So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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