Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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