seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
