look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
