Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
