You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The air was thick with penises
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
