I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
id be glad to
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
