I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
