i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
