every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
