just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize