You're completely useless in the revolution.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
