Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize