I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
