I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize