He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Randomize
