how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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