im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
