I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
