I just made out with a guy for $7.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
