I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
