Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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