her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
