Yo dont text me then not text me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize