I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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