does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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