Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
