If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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