i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
