I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
