Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
