My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
