I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
