yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
