i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
