Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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