On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
