It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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