her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
