May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
