Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
