I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize