Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
