She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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